Seize The Moment
by 51Dreaming
Summary: One year after Johnny is diagnosed with a devastating medical condition, his life continues to spiral downward. His friends try to support him as he struggles to regain control and make a decision that could give him his life back...or ruin it forever. This story is Part Two of the "Seize" series. In order to understand the events in this story, please read "Seize The Day" firs


Seize The Moment

For Dan

Chapter One

"Squad Fifty-One, man with seizure, County Payroll Department - "

Without waiting to hear more, Roy DeSoto and his partner Daniel Harris jumped in the squad and took off, leaving Cap standing in the bay with the address in his hand. Marco grabbed the handset.

"Squad 51, 10-4, KMG-365." He replaced the handset and looked anxiously at Cap.

"Coulda been somebody else. Coulda been anyone." Cap nodded.

"Let's go finish lunch, Pal."

Chapter Two

"Ew, is that like, a seizure or something?"

"No man, he's not doin' the shake 'n bake dance. Maybe he's strung out. I heard he does drugs."

"Did somebody call For help? Aren't we supposed to do something, like pin him to the floor?"

"I dunno, I'm not goin' near him. He barfed all over himself. Too gross."

"Yeah, looks like he peed, too. God, is that diarrhea? I'd die of embarrassment if that happened to me in public. I'd just die."

"Hey, you know what to do if an epileptic has a fit in a swimming pool? Throw in some detergent and your laundry."

"Isn't that John Gage?"

"Yeah, that's the guy who says he's like, a what? A firefighter?"

"No, a paramedic. Like anybody'd believe that."

Roy and Dan pushed their way through the crowd surrounding Johnny, who lay unconscious on the lobby floor of the County Building, his arms and legs twitching. Dan set up the biophone. Roy pulled out a stethoscope and BP cuff, and glanced at the man gently holding Johnny's head off the floor.

"When did this start?"

"I dunno. I saw him stumbling down the stairs, banging into people. He collapsed here. Musta been ten minutes before I could get anyone to call you. I didn't want to leave alone him like this." The man looked up at the bystanders.

"Look, could you people move along? There's nothing to see here." He shook his head and turned back to Roy.

"His name is John Gage. He gets these seizures, but he's a nice guy, real nice. Works in Payroll." Roy nodded as he rolled Johnny on his side and began taking vitals. Dan's voice rose above the crowd.

"Rampart Base, this is Rescue 51, how do you read?"

"Read you loud and clear, 51, go ahead."

Rampart, we have a male, age 27, in Status Epilepticus. Hold for vitals." Dan dropped the phone and stood. "Folks PLEASE. Move back and give us room to work." Roy grabbed the phone and looked up at Dan.

"Get me 2mg Lorazepam and get him on O2. Don't worry about them." Dan nodded and began pulling supplies. Roy raised the biophone. "Rampart, vitals are: BP, 190/200, pulse 100, respirations 60 and labored."

"Fifty-One, administer 2 mg Lorazepam IV, get him on O2." Dan handed the Lorazepam to Roy and grabbed the HT.

"L.A., this is Squad Fifty-One. We need crowd control at our location."

"Ten-four."

Dan dropped the HT and steadied Johnny's arm. Roy slid the needle into Johnny's vein and administered the Lorazepam. He slipped an O2 mask over Johnny's face. The twitching stopped, Johnny's breathing eased. Roy took vitals again.

"Rampart, new vitals: BP: 140/90, pulse 60, respirations thirty-five."

"Good, Fifty-One. Start an IV with D5W TKO. Is the ambulance on scene?"

"Not yet, Rampart."

"Continue to monitor vitals and transport as soon as possible."

"Ten-Four."

A hand tapped Roy's shoulder. "Is he crazy or something?" Before Roy could answer, two cops appeared and broke up the crowd. As the crowd dispersed, a voiced drifted over to Roy.

"Man, people like that should just, like, not go out in public. That's disgusting. My whole day is ruined."

Chapter Three

"Roy, what're you doing here?"

Johnny looked blearily up at Roy as the stretcher was loaded into the ambulance. Roy glanced back at Dan. "

"Hand me the drug box and biophone, would ya?" Dan handed the supplies to Roy, closed the ambulance doors, and climbed into the squad. As the ambulance pulled into traffic, Roy began rechecking vitals. Johnny pushed his hands away.

"Hey, what're you doin'? Why are we here? Was there a run?" Roy patted him on the shoulder and smiled.

"Relax. You had a seizure."

"What? A seizure? I don't have seizures."

"Shhh. Let me get your vitals."

Roy rechecked Johnny's BP, respirations, and pulse, relayed the info to Rampart, then smiled at Johnny.

"You're doin' fine, Junior."

But Johnny had drifted off to sleep.

Chapter Four

Dr. Brackett picked up the phone.

"Page Dr. Hoffman to Treatment Three." He turned to Dixie. "Let's get him cleaned up." Dixie nodded and left the room, wiping tears of frustration from her eyes. Dan raised the HT.

"L.A., Squad 51 available."

"Squad fifty-One."

"No, we're not! Gimme that." Roy grabbed the HT. "L.A., correction. Squad 51 NOT available." Dan shook his head.

"Man, we can't do that. We're available."

"Not until I say we are." Brackett shot them a look.

"Available or not, take it outside, guys."

"Sorry, Doc. Dan, wait for me outside."

"Roy..." But Roy had turned away from Dan as Johnny began stirring. Dan shook his head and exited the room. Roy leaned over Johnny as Johnny regained consciousness and looked up at him in confusion.

"What happened?"

"It's okay. You seized, that's all. It's okay." Johnny shook his head.

"I seized? Where was I?"

"At work. Someone called us." Johnny's eyes closed, his nose twitched.

"I shit on myself."

"I know. It's all right."

Dixie came back in with two nurses. She smiled at Johnny.

"Hey, Johnny. We're just going to get you cleaned up, all right?" Johnny shook his head vehemently.

"No, no way. I'll take care of it."

"Johnny, you're too sedated." She unzipped his fly. "It's okay. It'll just take a moment. Johnny glanced at the young women with Dixie.

"Nuh uh. No way."

But - "

"Dix, PLEASE." Roy took Dixie's arm.

"How about you let me do this?" Dixie glanced at the young women with her and nodded.

"Sure. I understand." She fled the room, assistants in tow. Brackett nodded at Roy.

"If you can stay here, I'll give him some privacy.

"Sure. I'll stay."

"Okay. Johnny, don't try to get up. I paged Dr. Hoffman."

"Yeah, I known the drill."

Once the room was cleared of doctors and nurses, Roy worked Johnny's clothes off him and cleaned the urine, feces, and vomit from his body. As he sat Johnny up to tie his hospital gown, Johnny sighed.

"What's the date?"

"May 31st. Why?"

"Happy Anniversary." Roy laid Johnny back down.

"Happy Anniversary?" He pulled a blanket up and tucked it in.

"Yeah. The first seizure...May 31st, last year. I was supposed to be driving by now, planning my hearing to be reinstated as a paramedic. You remember." Roy's heart sank.

"Yeah, yeah. I remember."

"And every time I failed...I'd reset the dates."

"Junior, you didn't fail."

"Well, I sure didn't succeed." He chuckled sadly. "Should have let Dixie and those other two nurses clean me up. Only way I can, ya know, get a woman to touch me nowadays." He drew his arm across his face.

"Roy..."

"Yeah?"

"It's gettin' harder and harder to pretend things are gonna be okay. That I'm not a loser." Roy shook his head.

"Don't talk like that. It doesn't help." Johnny sighed.

"Okay, I'm a winner. Feel better?" Roy smiled.

"Yeah."

"Good. At least one of us does." He sighed, closed his eyes, and dropped off to sleep.

Dan stuck his head in the room. "Roy..." Roy shook his head.

"No."

Dan crept into the room and looked at Johnny. "John'd want you to go back to work, ya know. If you asked him."

"Yeah, well...this one isn't his call. Look, why don't you just tell Dispatch you need a replacement partner for the rest of the shift?" Dan looked at Roy's worried face, at Johnny's still body.

"Nah. Think I'll hang around."

"They're probably going to admit him again. It might be hours." He felt Dan squeeze his shoulder.

"S'okay. I can wait." The HT crackled.

"Squad 51, are you available?" Dan raised the HT.

"Negative, L.A."

"Ten-Four." The HT beeped.

"Squad 24, heart attack." An address five blocks from the hospital. Roy glanced up at Dan, who shrugged.

"I'll be outside."

Chapter Five

"Can't you just change my meds and let me go home?" Johnny looked wearily at Dr. Hoffman. "I wanna sleep in my own bed."

Hoffman shook his head as he made a note in Johnny's chart.

"Not this time. I'm starting you on on a full dose of this new drug, and you need to be here in case - "

"I have an adverse reaction. Yeah, like I haven't heard that before. How long do I have to stay?"

"Three, four nights." Hoffman picked up Johnny's arm. "Where'd this bruise come from?" Johnny grinned and nodded at Roy. "Dr. Paramedic over there. Lousy technique with needles. Needs a refresher course." Roy blushed. Dr. Hoffman laughed.

"Oh, you could have done better?"

"Yeah."

"Well, next time Roy'll just hand everything over to you, and you can treat yourself. I'm going to go get your admission underway." He left the room. Roy examined Johnny's arm.

"I don't know who was shaking more when I did this, you or me." Johnny shrugged.

"Don't worry about it. Look...why don't you and Dan go back to work?"

"But - "

"I heard that call about the heart attack. It was right by here. You should have taken it."

"Johnny - "

"No really, it wasn't cool. Go back to work. I'm just gonna be sleeping, anyway. Go on, Roy. Go back to work."

"Okay, if that's what you want. But I'll be back to check on you." Roy patted Johnny's arm and turned

to go. "See ya later, Junior."

"Sure thing. Oh, Roy..."

"Yeah?"

"Dan. Ya got a good partner there. I worked with him a few times."

"Yeah." Roy motioned to Dixie, who slipped by him into the room. She checked Johnny's IV and smoothed his hair.

"Mind if I stay with you until you're moved upstairs?"

"Nah. Sorry about before."

"It's all right, John. I should have thought of that myself." Dixie waved Roy off as Johnny closed his eyes again and drifted off to sleep.

Roy found Dan pacing in the waiting room.

"How is he?"

"Depressed. Wants to go home. Said we should go back to work." Dan nodded and raised the HT.

"L.A., Squad 51 available."

Chapter Six

Johnny hit the call button attached to his padded bed rail. Three nurses ran into his room. He was already out of the bed, blood dripping on the floor from his blown IV line, as he staggered in circles around the room. They closed the door and guided him back into bed.

"Let's get that line restarted."

"Johnny, can you hear me? Hold your arm out, hon."

Johnny curled up in a ball at the foot of his bed, his arms covering his face, whimpering in terror, "Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop."

"Johnny, give me your arm and I'll make it stop." She took his arm and tried to straighten it. Johnny howled.

"Don't touch me, it feels awful, don't touch me, please..." He began retching. The nurse hung on to him.

"It's okay, you're having a seizure, it's okay. Johnny, can you hear me?"

"Please, please don't touch me..."

She found a vein and slid the needle in. As she depressed the plunger, Johnny vomited on her. The Lorazepam entered his system, and the seizure stopped.

"Get me some tape and gauze."

"It's okay, I got it." Another nurse taped up the injection site and the bleeding from the blown IV. Johnny opened his eyes, looked around, and stared at his arm.

"What happened?" She smiled at him.

"You had a seizure. Can you straighten out?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I can." Johnny slid back onto the bed, assisted by the nurses. He looked up at the nurse who had injected the Lorazepam. "Oh, God. I'm sorry." She shook her head.

"I thought I told you to stop apologizing. I'm a nurse. Bodily fluids are part of the job. Let me go change and I'll be back." She left the room. Another nurse gently placed O2 prongs in Johnny's nostrils and took his vitals.

"John, try to relax. I can't get a good BP if you're gonna cry. Settle down, okay?" Johnny nodded and choked back his tears. She finished checking vitals.

"You're looking good. I'll be right back to restart your line. Want me to turn on the TV? The ball game's on."

"Yeah, sure. Thanks." She flipped on the TV, adjusted the volume, and patted his shoulder.

"Be right back. Try to rest."

"Johnny closed his eyes. A cheer rose from the TV. Someone had hit a home run. The commentators buzzed with excitement. Johnny thought of the last game he had attended. Roy drove him with Chris and Jenny. The kids were so excited. The noise of the crowd, the taste of the hot dogs and beer, standing to try and catch that foul ball. The pretty girl who kept sneaking peaks at him.

Staggering into the aisle. Banging into that man who took a swing at him, called him a "fucking bastard." Regaining consciousness in the aisle with the onlookers staring, laughing, pointing. The kids' terrified faces. Roy begging someone, anyone, to call for help. The doctor who took over until the guys from Eights arrived.

Jenny holding his hand as she walked resolutely with the stretcher all the way from the spot where he had fallen to the ambulance. The way she kissed his cheek, her little voice declaring that he would be okay "because Daddy said so."

Johnny burst into tears.

"Johnny? What's going on? The nurses said - "

"Nothing, Marco. Everything's fine. How are ya?" Johnny forced a smile as Marco stepped into the room. Marco shook his head.

"Stop faking it, man. We have an agreement." Johnny wiped his face and nodded.

"Yeah. Yeah, we do."

"That's right. You always come clean with me and I stop thinking you're gonna die like my cousin." Johnny looked down, picked at the bedclothes and nodded. His voice shook.

"I think of all my friends...you're the one who really gets this. Roy, he, he can..." Johnny pointed to the bruise. "Inject a vein. But you, you had Amelia. You watched her seize, saw her die. Marco, I don't wanna die. I don't wanna - "

Marco knelt by the bed as Johnny dissolved into tears.

"It's okay man." He took Johnny's hand. "you're not gonna die." Johnny shook his head.

"I don't wanna die...but I don't wanna live like this anymore. This is worse than dying." Johnny squeezed Marco's hand as a wave of emotions swept over them both. The Lorazapam finally calmed Johnny, and he closed his eyes.

"Hang around a while, would ya?"

"Yeah, sure."

Johnny dropped off to sleep, his jaw slackened, and he let go of Marco's hand. Marco stood and stretched, just as Chet walked in. He eyed Johnny, then looked at Marco.

"Bad?"

"Bad."

"Damn it." Chet turned on his heel and walked out. Marco drew up a chair and sat next the bed. He leaned on the padded rail, rested a hand on Johnny's back, and closed his eyes.

Chapter Seven

"I wanna talk to someone about John Gage."

Chet leaned over the desk at the nurses' station, staring at the young woman on the phone. She raised a hand to silence him. Another nurse walked by and he grabbed her arm.

"Hey, I wanna talk to John Gage's nurse."

"Are you family?"

"Yes. I'm his brother. And I want to talk to someone." She stared unflinchingly into his eyes.

"Well, first let go of my arm." Chet released her.

"Sorry."

"Second, don't lie to me. John doesn't have siblings. His next-of-kin is Roy DeSoto. And you're not Roy. So that makes you?" Chet shifted impatiently.

"It makes me...a fellow firefighter. All firefighters are brothers, okay?"

"Okay. Let's go sit down. She motioned him toward a private lounge, and closed the door behind them. "I'm Cynthia, one of John's nurses."

"I'm Chet. Kelly."

"Sit down, Mr. Kelly. What can I do for you?"

"It's not what you can do for me...it's what you can do for Johnny. How come no one is helping him?"

"We're doing our best. What you gotta understand is that - "

"But I DON'T understand! No offense, ma'am, but a year ago that man used to rappel off cliffs and buildings, he dove into sewers, he saved people from burning buildings, he was a paramedic - do you even know what that IS? - he drove, he swam, he camped, he fished, he...he dated more nurses than I'll ever meet, he - he had a LIFE! Now he's got NOTHING! He's done everything he supposed to do for a whole year, and look what it's got him!" Chet's eyes filled with tears. "Ya gotta do something. Please."

Cynthia looked at Chet's anguished face, the anger, the helplessness, and her heart broke. She had been a neurology nurse for a few years, had seen so much, been unable to do so much. She had never met John Gage before this admission. But the man Chet was describing was nothing like the depressed, defeated patient across the hall. John Gage, the man who seemed shrunk into himself, the tentative, exhausted man who rarely spoke, never looked her in the eye, who spent most of his time sleeping or staring blankly at the TV...had been a firefighter, a risk taker...a hero? No wonder Chet was angry. What good was she doing? What good was any of this? What did the future hold for this patient and his friend? And what encouragement could she possibly offer?

"Mr. Kelly..."

"Chet..."

"You know we're doing our best for John, we care very much about him, and - " Chet nodded impatiently.

"And he is a wonderful guy who is hard to stabilize, but you're not gonna give up on him. Yeah, I know. I've heard it all before. But Johnny - he's, he's DYING inside, right there in that room. How much longer - "

The alarm from Johnny's room sounded. Cynthia ran from the lounge. Chet tried to follow, but was pushed aside as two other nurses joined Cynthia. When he finally got to Johnny's room, Johnny was staggering around in circles, his line blown again, Marco following, guiding him away from walls, ready to catch him when he went down.

"It's okay, the nurses are gonna take care of you...Johnny, can you hear me?"

"Make it stop, make it stop, oh, my God...he collapsed into Marco's arms, curled up into a ball, and wept. Cynthia knelt over him.

"Give me your arm, Johnny. Come on, hon."

"No...your face...please...no..."

"You're just hallucinating. Come on..." She pulled his arm straight. "Try to hold still." Another nurse leaned over, putting a hand on his shoulder. "It's okay, John. We've got you. You're at Rampart, you're having a seizure. Come on, sweetie, hold still. Johnny screwed his eyes closed, but allowed Cynthia to inject the Lorazepam. He slowly relaxed, his fists unclenched, and his eyes opened. He looked around.

"What happened? Get me up."

Marco assisted Johnny to his feet and into the bed, silently waving off the nurses and Chet. He tucked the blankets in. "Go to sleep."

"Marco..."

"Yeah?"

"Don't tell anyone. Don't tell 'em I was on the floor, that I - don't tell 'em."

"Okay, man. No one'll know." He glanced at Chet. "Go to sleep. I'll stay until Roy comes. It'll be okay. Go to sleep." Marco rubbed Johnny's back until he dropped off. When Johnny was unconscious, Marco turned to Chet, still standing in the doorway.

"He's asleep."

"Yeah, so? He spends most of his free time sleeping. Dontcha think - "

"Quiet, Chet." Marco grabbed Chet's arm and pulled him into the hall. "Let him sleep. If he hears your voice he'll wake up." Chet pulled away from Marco and rubbed his arm.

"I KNOW that. Dontcha think he's spending too much time sleeping? He oughtta - "

"No, I don't. He needs to sleep. Seizures really take it outta ya. Whadaya think he should be doin, hiking?"

"Look, Mr. I-Know-Everything-I-Had-A-Cousin-With-Epilepsy, ya gotta stop babying him!"

"I'm not babying him! He's in the hospital, for God's sake! What would you do, kick him out on the street? Damn it, Chet - "

"He should be demanding answers, I mean, why the hell isn't he better by now, isn't there something - "

"Oh, you don't know shit, Chet." Chet grabbed Marco's shirt.

"You wanna say that again?" Marco broke Chet's hold.

"Yeah, I'll say it again. And I'll punch your face, too, smartass!"

"Hey, hey knock it off. What's the matter with you guys?" Roy grabbed Marco and Chet, and yanked them apart. "Go home. Johnny doesn't need this. Go home."

"You know what he - "

"Boys..." Joanne interrupted. "Go home." She slipped into Johnny's room. Roy glared at them and followed Joanne. Chet adjusted his clothes.

"Sorry. I'm just mad because he's, ya know...slipping away. Didn't mean to take it out on ya, man." Marco nodded.

"Don't worry about it. Buy ya a cup of coffee?"

"Yeah. But not here. Hospital coffee sucks."

Chapter Eight

"Honey, the kids'll be getting out of school soon. I'll stay with John. Why don't you go pick them up?" Joanne looked across Johnny's bed at Roy. He'd been sitting like a statue for an hour, watching Johnny sleep.

"I'm fine. You go."

"Honey..."

"He's my friend, I haven't talked to him today, I got shift tomorrow. I'll stay."

"Roy, he's my friend as well. And I think he's had enough male bonding for one day. Go on. I'll tell him you were here." Roy looked at her doubtfully. "Go on. I'll stay."

"I just wanna - "

"Look, would ONE of you go?" Joanne and Roy started, then laughed as Johnny smiled up at them.

"Okay, Junior. You chose."

"Are you kidding me? Joanne." Johnny took Joanne's hand. "Best offer I've had in a long time." Roy shrugged.

"Okay. I know when I'm not wanted."

"Nothing personal, Pally." Roy laughed.

"Keep your paws off my wife, Gage."

"That's up to your wife, DeSoto. Run along, now." Johnny sat up and gave Joanne a gentle kiss on the cheek. He glanced back at Roy. "We're busy. Split, would ya?" Roy laughed, shook his head, and slipped out of the room, closing the door behind him.

Joanne sat back in her chair. "How are you feeling?" Johnny shrugged.

"Got a whole lotta of Lorazepam, I feel pretty good." He pulled the blanket aside. You wanna climb into the bed? I won't tell Roy." Joanne laughed.

"Maybe later. I brought you some gifts."

"Oh, yeah?" Johnny raised his bed. "Gimme." Joanne handed him two badly wrapped boxes.

"The kids sent these."

"Oh, yeah? They didn't spend a lot of allowance, did they?"

"Not a dime."

"Okay." Johnny tore open the first package. "Cause you know I don't like it when they - " He pulled the top off the first package and pulled out a Spiderman Action Figure. He held it up. "This is Chris's favorite."

"And yours too, or so you told him." Johnny shook his head. "But - "

"It's okay. He thought it would cheer you up. And maybe you could use some magic powers." Johnny looked at the action figure. "Yeah, well. Tell him I appreciate it, okay?" Joanne nodded.

"Open Jenny's." Johnny grinned. "Don't tell me it's a Barbie." Joanne laughed. "Just open it."

"Okay." Johnny tore open the second package. He pulled out a small pink rabbit. He held it in his hands for a moment. "I gave this to Jenny when she turned five."

"Yes. She thought you could use something to cuddle at night." Johnny swallowed hard. "Tell her it's uh...perfect. Always wanted a pink rabbit to hold at night." He chuckled. " Rather have a chick, but, uh...this'll be great." He brushed the rabbit against his face, catching the tear that dropped before Joanne could reach out with a tissue. "Sorry."

"It's all right." She reached into her purse and pulled out a small box. "This one is from Roy and me." Johnny shook his head.

"No. I don't want you two buying me gifts." Joanne pressed it into his hand.

"Take it, Johnny. Go on." Johnny threw her an annoyed look. She cocked her head and smiled. "Stop being so stubborn. Open it." Johnny sighed and shook his head, but unwrapped the box. He pulled the top off, peered inside, and shook his head again.

"Nuh uh. I told you before I don't want this. I'm not wearing it." Joanne sighed.

"I don't care that you don't want it, Johnny. You ARE going to take this and you ARE going to wear it." She pulled a Medic Alert necklace from the box.

"I said no, Joanne. I'm not gonna - " Joanne leaned in and fastened the necklace around his neck.

"There. It's a fate accomplie." Johnny shook his head.

"I'm not liking you very much right now. You and your husband." Joanne laughed. "Does this mean I don't get a kiss goodbye?" Johnny narrowed his eyes at her. "Well, does it?" He shook his head slowly and sat up to give her a peck on the cheek.

"Not gonna thank you." Joanne laughed.

"Fine. You'd better keep that on, though. No cheating." She caressed his cheek. "Get some rest. Talk to you soon." She picked up her purse and left the room.

Johnny looked at the front of the charm, with the red "Medic Alert" symbol. He turned the charm over and read aloud the inscribed word on the back.

"'Epilepsy.' Great, just great." He lowered the bed and stared at the ceiling. "I hate when I'm wrong."

Chapter Nine

(Author's note: This chapter contains themes that are adult in nature. Reader discretion is advised.)

"Roy, you have a moment?"

Cynthia called out to Roy the next day as he and Dan walked past the nurses' station on their way to Johnny's room. Roy raised the HT.

"Until we get a call, yeah." Cynthia nodded.

"I need to talk with you privately. Let's go into the lounge." Roy glanced at Dan, who waved him off and headed into Johnny's room. Roy followed Cynthia into the lounge and closed the door behind him.

"What's wrong?"

"Roy..." Cynthia hesitated. "We've got a little problem. I have a call into Dr. Hoffman, but wanted to let you know what's going on." Roy's heart started racing. Another problem? Weren't there enough problems now?

"Okay, what's the matter?"

"John's been having a lot of seizures, and he...this is probably a seizure form, so I don't want you to be upset with him..."

"What?"

"He's been...hitting on the nurses." Roy chuckled.

"Johnny hits on nurses all the time. So do most of the guys in The Department. Since when is that a seizure?" He shook his head and headed toward the door. She grabbed his arm.

"No. I don't mean flirting or asking them out. He's been...hitting on them." Roy's eyes narrowed.

"What exactly do you mean by 'hitting on them?'"

"I mean..." She hesitated. "He's been making highly inappropriate sexual advances. Lewd suggestions. He grabbed a couple of nurses." Roy shook his head.

"No. Johnny doesn't do that. He's just a flirt. And he's harmless."

"Not right now he's not."

"And you're saying it's a type of seizure. I'm supposed to believe that. It's the medication. Look, Johnny loves women, yeah. But he holds doors open for them, he doesn't grab them."

"I'll give you some literature, all right?"

"Fine. But I'm telling you you're wrong. It's the medication messing with his brain." Cynthia shook her head.

"Look, I've seen this before. Hypersexuality.

Hypereligiousity. Running off at the mouth, emotional outbursts. Temporal lobe seizures can cause these symptoms in some people. I'm just saying...don't be angry with him. He can't help it."

"Okay, fine, I heard you." He left the lounge. Dan was coming out of Johnny's room. He took the HT from Roy.

"He's pretty agitated in there, Buddy. Watch your step." Roy glared at him.

"I can handle him. Wait out here."

Johnny was pacing the room, running his hands through his hair.

"Johnny...?"

"Where the hell you been?"

"Working. Sit down."

"Don't wanna sit down."

"Okay, I'll sit. What's up?"

"Roy, I want you to get me some Playboys. No, not Playboy. Penthouse. Hustler. Yeah, Hustler. Go down to the gift shop and get me some Hustlers. Now."

"John, they don't sell Hustler in the gift shop. Playboy, maybe, but - "

"Look, stop arguing with me, and get me some porn! Magazines, movies. I can't get any of these damn nurses to cooperate, I need something!"

"Johnny - "

"You see 'em in here, they're driving me crazy. They come in here, get me all turned on, and leave. I need something." He paced faster. "I'm going nuts. I haven't been with a woman since - " He came to a sudden halt in front of Roy. You get it on with Joanne last night?" Roy's jaw dropped.

"Johnny, that's none of your business, you can't - "

"Look, you can get laid any time you want! You don't understand! Get me some porn, find me a nurse, somebody. Just do it!" He ran into the bathroom and slammed the door. Roy tried to follow him. The door was locked.

"Johnny..."

"Go away."

Dr. Hoffman slipped into the room. He nodded at Roy, then leaned into the door. "John, when you're done taking care of yourself, come on out, please." He motioned Roy away from the door. "Give him some privacy." He slapped a Hustler down on the bedside table and pulled a syringe out of his pocket. "I want you to help me get him sedated. He's been seizing for several hours, but has been too combative for the nurses. I don't want to get any orderlies involved."

"Roy gaped at the Hustler, at the syringe, at Dr. Hoffman.

"What the hell are you doing to him?"

"Roy - "

"You're supposed to help him! Now you're screwing with his sex drive and giving him porn?" Hoffman shook his head.

"the medication's not working. He's seizing. It's like he's unmedicated at the moment."

"So change his meds!"

"Roy - we've run out of options."

What do you mean, you've run out of options? No, you can't - "

"The bathroom door opened. Johnny shuffled into the room and picked up the Hustler. He eyed Roy.

"Thanks. I uh...don't need it right now. Maybe later." he glared at Hoffman. "What're you doin' here?" Hoffman smiled.

"Just want to sedate you, John. You've had a rough ride this morning and you need to rest." Johnny looked at Hoffman, at Roy, at the hypodermic. He grimaced, sat down on the bed and thrust out his arm.

"Go ahead. If you can find a vein." Hoffman smiled. "I'm sure between you, me, and Roy, we can find one vein. He slid the needle into Johnny's arm, depressed the plunger, and removed the needle. He recapped the needle and dropped the hypodermic into his pocket. "Get some rest, John. I've got a call into Mayo. I should hear back soon. Just hang in there." Johnny nodded and curled up in bed.

"Thanks." Hoffman patted him on the shoulder, smiled at Roy, and left the room. Roy followed him into the hall.

"Mayo? You called Mayo Clinic?" Hoffman sighed.

"Remember a year ago, John wanted surgery?"

"Yeah. But you said - "

"He wasn't a candidate. He is now. We're out of options, Roy. We're just...out of options."

"But - the surgery's experimental. He can't - "

"That's up to Johnny." He nodded toward the room. "If your choices were experimental surgery or what's happening now, which would you choose?"

"I - I don't know."

"Well, he does. Look, I'm pulling him off this med and restarting the one he was on when he was admitted. At least he had partial seizure control with that." Hoffman walked away. Roy stood in the hallway, oblivious to the activity around him. Dan approached him, holding up the HT.

"Roy...we got a call..." Roy didn't respond. Dan raised the HT.

"L.A., Squad Fifty-One out-of-service."

"Squad Fifty-One."

He gave Roy a gentle shove. "Go on. I'll request another partner." Roy nodded and returned to Johnny's room. He was asleep, his face cushioned by Jenny's rabbit, Chris's Spiderman clutched in his hand. As Roy sat down by the bed, Johnny's eyes opened.

"Roy..."

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry about what I said about Joanne. I don't know where that came from. I don't..." Roy leaned over him.

"Don't worry, Junior." Johnny turned his haggard face toward Roy.

"Could ya...stay here a while? I'm kinda scared to be alone. It won't stop." Roy choked back the sob that tried to escape him as he looked at his best friend's face. What had happened to Johnny Gage? He was withering away to nothing.

"Sure, Junior. How about I spend the night?" Johnny nodded.

"Yeah. Yeah, spend the night. That'd be good. Oh, and, uh, tell the nurses I'm sorry. I'll try to get my act together." He sighed and dropped off to sleep.

Chapter Ten

"So the deal is, most of these surgeries are being performed on pediatric patients. But I pulled a few strings, threw in the word "intractable" over and over...and they want to give it a try. No guarantees. They may end up rejecting you, no promises of success...you could end up with permanent deficits. All right?" Johnny nodded wearily.

"Yeah, all right. When can I go?"

"As soon as we can find you a traveling companion."

"I'm going." Roy leaned across Hoffman's desk. "Just tell me what I need to do." Hoffman raised his eyebrows.

"Just like that? You're going to Minnesota? Shouldn't you discuss this with your wife?"

"Already did. I'm going." Johnny shook his head.

"Roy, I don't think - " He turned in the wheelchair, looked behind him, and lurched to his feet. "What's happening?" He staggered across the room, grabbed a bookcase, and fell. Roy shoved the bookcase back against the wall, grabbed Johnny, and lowered him to the floor. Hoffman shoved a table away from Johnny's head. Roy rolled him on his side. It was over in a minute.

Roy looked up at Hoffman.

"So...when do we leave?"

"As soon as you can pack."

Johnny opened his eyes and stared up at Roy.

"What're you doin' here?"

"Just hanging out, Junior. Just hanging out."

Johnny dropped off to sleep.

Chapter Eleven

"You okay?" Roy tossed a bag in the overhead compartment and sat next to Johnny, grateful he'd gotten bulkhead seats. "How ya doin?" Johnny grinned.

"I am. So. Stoned."

"Good. Maybe you'll sleep through the flight." Johnny nodded off. A hand tapped Roy on the shoulder. He turned to see Morton drop into the aisle seat.

"DeSoto."

"Dr. Morton. What are you..."

"Brought some candy for Gage." He opened his jacket, then closed it. Roy caught a glimpse of a row of hypodermics. He shook his head.

"But once we leave California air space...you're not licensed..." Morton shrugged.

"Brackett pulled a few strings. Got me licensed all the way from here to Minnesota."

"But - "

"DeSoto, just take care of Gage. Stop asking questions."

"Okay, okay." A passenger behind him banged into his seat.

"Sorry, Roy. He asleep?"

"Marco! What're you doing here?"

"Takin' a trip in memory of my cousin." He nodded at Johnny. "He okay?"

"Yeah, he's asleep." Someone shoved Marco.

"Move it, Lopez." Chet grinned at Roy. "Just comin' to keep an eye on Lopez."

"But - "

"Roy, everything okay?" Mike and Cap stowed their luggage and took seats across the aisle. "He asleep?"

"Yeah. He's asleep." A stewardess picked up the overhead mike.

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome aboard Flight 51, non-stop to Minnesota. We expect a smooth, uneventful flight. Please make sure your seat belts are fastened, and pay attention to the no-smoking signs."

Roy reached over to fasten Johnny's seatbelt. Johnny opened his eyes and watched Roy close the belt around his waist.

"Hey, Roy. What're ya doing?"

"Just fastening your seatbelt, Junior."

"Why? We goin' somewhere?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. But then I gotta get home. I got shift." His eyes closed and he slumped against Roy. Roy worked an arm around Johnny's shoulder and gazed out the window as the plane pulled away from the gate.

THE END


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